Trump presidency ‘totally worth it’ for four years of easy small-talk, Americans confirm
A breaking post-election poll has confirmed that 87% of Americans are now satisfied with the prospect of a Donald Trump presidency on the basis it will make talking to acquaintances a bit easier. In a surprise twist of events, even hardline Clinton backers are beginning to be convinced.
Speaking to a Whip reporter in downtown Des Moines, local Democrat, IT consultant and get-out-the-vote volunteer Mitch Garrison, 37, appeared positively enthused by the surprise win for the media mogul and notorious sexist.
“Initially I was absolutely hysterical about Trump winning this election – I just always thought that a President should be intelligent, experienced or qualified. But when I went into work the morning after the election I was absolutely converted.
“I made two or three comments about him to my co-workers – even to a few who I thought were too cool for me. I mentioned the wall, the crazy result up in Wisconsin and Melania’s hilarious copycat gaffe. Every time they nodded and said things like ‘yeah very true’ and ‘good point, Mitch'” the Clinton campaigner confirmed.
It’s clear that Americans are starting to find a silver lining in what was always billed as a quasi-apocalyptic political scenario. “I’ve just started working here, but with an entire term of guaranteed controversy I bet I’ll be one of the biggest names in my department by the time the 2020 election rolls in! Thank goodness for Mr Trump!”
Less than 7% of those quizzed actually considered four exhausting years of mindless foreign policy, misjudged executive orders and backward federal appropriations as probably not being worth it.
- 1North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 4Freshers caught frantically burning skinny jeans under cover of darkness
- 5‘The Noise Pages’ takes matters into their own hands, burns down High Kingsdown