Durdham freshers issued with lifetime supply of single condom
In a bold and dramatic move to promote safe sex, the Durdham Social committee has made plans to issue every resident with a whole lifetime’s supply of contraception.
This seemingly excessive and outlandish plan was initially met with scepticism from the University, who criticised the move on financial grounds.
However, after an extensive study of trends from previous years, the Durdham JCR has concluded that, for Durdham students alone, one single ribbed condom would suffice for a whole lifetime of protected sex.
The move gathered widespread support from health professionals with the Student Health Service issuing a statement that it would probably save their sexual health professionals “at least 15 minutes a year,” to be spent on more pressing matters.
There were some criticisms from anonymous parties that providing a lifetime supply of contraception only to those students in a certain hall would be construed as favouritism and be a misuse of university funds.
However, these fears were mostly allayed by the realisation that in absolute terms the Durdham freshers would be receiving the exact same number of condoms as every other student in the university: one.
“It is important to us that if any of our new first year students manage to have sex they do it safely,” the President of the JCR told The Whip “and that they tell me what it’s like afterwards.”
- 1North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3Freshers caught frantically burning skinny jeans under cover of darkness
- 4‘The Noise Pages’ takes matters into their own hands, burns down High Kingsdown
- 5‘It’s just a friend mum!’: student dropped off in Redland moves seamlessly from family car into back seat of black BMW