Eager ski tripper disappointed by lack of snow at Blue Mountain

Second year Chemistry student and enthusiastic UBSC member James Miller was left thoroughly disappointed after embarking on a pre-ski trip training weekend at Stokes Croft’s remarkably snowless Blue Mountain.

It is understood that the 20 year old took it upon himself to get some extra practice in before the university group travels out to Alpe d’Huez in March.

The Whip caught up with James to find out exactly what went wrong.

‘I totally fucked it’, he quickly revealed.

‘So there I was, in the queue for what I assumed was the first chairlift, goggles down and salopettes on, looking forward to shredding a couple of moguls.

‘All of a sudden, the lift operator, who was dressed remarkably like a bouncer, pointed at my Dynastar Speed Zone Skis and Leki Closed Guard Racing Poles and had the audacity to say “Oi! You can’t bring those in here mate!”’

Reports indicate that at this point James was searched thoroughly and asked what substances he had ingested prior to arriving at the venue.

Finding only traces of hot chocolate and Deepheat on his person, the confused student was eventually let into the venue.

‘That was when I worked out that Blue Mountain is not, in fact, a snow-capped alpine paradise of great skiing.

‘Instead of finding several kilometres of well-groomed pistes and stunning panoramic views of the French Alps, there were just loads of really sweaty people, furiously gyrating to music that sounded like the soundtrack to the end of the world.

‘Seeing as I’d paid £3 for the lift pass I thought I might as well stay and try and get some training done! But when I tried to execute a switch 540 down those really narrow stairs, I ended up getting tangled up in a crowd of first years.

‘One of them kindly offered me a beer and what I assumed was some kind of powdered, medical strength barbiturate.

‘Minutes later I was off my nut, frantically fist pumping the air – so I guess the whole experience was actually pretty good practice for après, if nothing else’.

Charlie Meyrick