‘I just eat stuff, I guess’ explains vague-an

‘Vague-anism’, a new diet described by followers as ‘just eating like, whatever, food I guess’, has made ripples in Bristol this month and is already gaining significant traction amongst the student community.

Supporters of the diet claim that it is more inclusive than veganism, less hypocritical than flexitarianism, and equally as annoying as those people who claim they’re lactose intolerant but then eat pizza and cheese and stuff.

Newly converted vague-an Sam Hainsley, a biology student, reckons those who have an insatiable thirst for devouring innocent, sentient beings and despise ‘less murdery’ diets like veganism will welcome vague-anism’s ambiguous ideology, with many loyal vague-ans even refusing to admit whether they eat food at all.

‘People often think that alternative diets are really expensive, hard to maintain, and restrict your cooking options’ sighed Sam.

‘In fact, vague-anism is sort of a bit expensive sometimes but not really, difficult and easy to maintain at the same time, and there’s a wealth of recipes to choose from,’ he continued ‘for example, I whipped up something great the other day, just like Mama may or may not have used to make’.

Unfortunately however, for those shouting ‘where do I sign up?’ or ‘have I already signed up? Wait What? I’m not sure’, it’s important to note that this lifestyle is not all plain sailing.

‘Just like every diet, vague-anism has its downsides’ explained Sam. ‘The burning urge to Instagram everything is completely incompatible with the level of culinary anonymity I seek to preserve in my day to day life. Do you know how it feels to wrestle with this every day? Not ideal.’

Towards the end of the interview, The Whip inquired as to what Sam’s favourite food was.

‘Personally as a vague-an, if I had to be specific, I’d say my favourite is food. The edible kind if you must know. But this conversation is already in dangerous territory, so I won’t say any more.’

Do you think YOU might be a vague-an? Call us now on 0600 11 66 44 or fax us a really low resolution picture of your lunch and we’ll stick it up on the wall, next to all the other ones.

Aaron Drapkin