Dissertation submitted late after hand-in photoshoot overruns

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Jenny Bellham yesterday approached The Whip to report that she had been forced to accept a 10% penalty on her dissertation after an intricately-planned photo session overran next to the ‘University of Bristol’ sign yesterday morning.

The third year history student conceded that although she ‘does care’ about passing her degree, on balance, the number of likes gained on her Instagram post is far more important than number of marks awarded for her dissertation.

‘Social capital, especially meaningless, virtual social capital, beats fulfilling ones academic potential any day of the week’ she explained to The Whip this afternoon.

‘In the end, I actually spent longer drafting and redrafting the caption than prepping the coursework itself.

‘When it’s as crucial a post as this, you’ve gotta get it right – the stakes here are almost as high as the Instagrams of Love Saves The Day, getting a new pet or the bi-annual beach snap. You’ve gotta get it right to rake in those likes and feel fully validated.

‘Like, yeah all these other prompt students may have guaranteed 2:1s, and thereby a grad job, a long-term life plan, and a better life, but that pales in comparison to how much my post popped. And I only had to message two of my girls group chats to ask them to like and comment!

‘If I had spent that time say, finishing my bibliography or constructing a coherent argument, I could have easily dropped below the 100-like mark. But the proof is in the pudding: 108 likes and counting. Life’s a beach!

‘I’ve paid £9,000 a year for the last three years – I had to have something to show for it!’