Bristol boy’s head explodes as he realises Champions League clashes with LSTD
There have been reports today of an explosion outside the ASS Library. Police have confirmed that the incident is not terror related, but that the blast was the result of a football fanatic’s realisation that LSTD clashes with the Champions League final.
Students reported seeing fragments of rizla packets, a Ralph Lauren hat and the boy’s smug grin scattered across the library’s self-styled social club. The victim has been named as Politics undergrad and committed intramural footballer Dylan Mower. One inquisitive observer gave their comments to The Whip.
‘Essentially, we were all just chilling until bits of his cranium started flying into keep cups, hummus pots and Chilly’s bottles! It was total chaos.
‘I think he’d got a bit wound up about the football. He shouted about the Champions League and then about ‘missing bicep’ but I assumed he was referring to the gym.’
At this stage, doctors are unsure whether the Guildford resident will recover. However, his friends have vowed to sell his ticket on Clifton and Stoke Bishop Tickets for charity should he lose his battle.
- 1‘It’s just a friend mum!’: student dropped off in Redland moves seamlessly from family car into back seat of black BMW
- 2Loser condemned to 3 years of friendless misery after posting in fresher Facebook group
- 3First year books 19 haircuts to practise small talk for freshers week
- 4Mums buying recipe books completely oblivious of sons’ plans to eat frozen pizza for rest of life
- 5Massive pile of bills on doormat traced back to great-grandtenants