First year books 19 haircuts to practise small talk for freshers week

First year students have started to trickle into Bristol this week, grappling with the stress of a new city, new friends and an insufferable helping of lifeless, arduous small talk.

However, not everyone is feeling this way. One confident newbie believes he has the chit-chat cheat code – nineteen consecutive haircuts. We caught up with him to find out more.

‘‘I was halfway through a trim, listening intently to my barber talking about the recent heatwave when it came to me’’ incoming Sociology student Graham Morley explained.

“By my twelfth head nod I had it sussed. What better way to practice making idle small talk with my peers than to book a further eighteen haircuts?’’

However, it wasn’t all plain sailing for rosy-scalped Graham. ‘‘It’s happened to me before where I’ve accidentally mentioned something that merits an In-depth conversation. In other words, I had to engage in meaningful discourse.’’ He shuddered ‘close call that was.’’

“And you should’ve seen the look I got when I asked if the lights could be turned down so I could practice asking for a ciggie in the smoking area.”

Luckily for Graham, it wasn’t all doom and gloom. ‘‘There were some good bits in fairness. For example, I learned that never has he ever performed an Eiffel Tower, had sex in public, or gotten off with an older woman. I couldn’t be in a better position to face my first night.’’

Graham also revealed to The Whip that he has been spending considerable time talking to brick walls in preparation for communicating with lecturers.