Mums buying recipe books completely oblivious of sons’ plans to eat frozen pizza for rest of life
Mums nationwide are buying recipe books which will go untouched all year, it was confirmed earlier today.
Two days ago, one highly organised mother, Helen, was spotted purchasing her Bristol-bound son a Jamie Oliver cookbook. However, sources close to the undergraduate have today revealed to The Whip that the gesture was performed in vein.
According to reports, Helen’s hopeless child is planning to leave the gift unopened and live on a diet solely comprised of delicious margheritas. We tracked him down to find out more.
Soon-to-be-economics student Michael Healy revealed angrily in our interview: “Look, I like pizza. Is that such a crime? Is it a crime to like routine? Is it a crime to be happy kicking back with a Chicago Town deep-dish for one every single evening? I don’t think so, and if it is, I’ll probably talk about doing it a bit quieter to be fair.”
In a hushed tone, the doughy renegade continued, “I didn’t even want to be self-catered, I clicked on the wrong hiatt baker. I thought being catered was getting help with eating, and I’ve been cutting up my food myself for years now.”
Unfortunately, Michael’s disregard of his mother’s cookbook may not be an isolated event, as reports from other universities suggest this may be representative of a nationwide epidemic. Experts suggest the number of tragically unaware mothers is far higher than previously imagined.
More worryingly, the number of Jamie Oliver’s 5 Ingredients gathering dust, could be larger still.
- 1North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3Freshers caught frantically burning skinny jeans under cover of darkness
- 4‘The Noise Pages’ takes matters into their own hands, burns down High Kingsdown
- 5‘It’s just a friend mum!’: student dropped off in Redland moves seamlessly from family car into back seat of black BMW