U1 bus driver excited to meet newest intake of chanting, vomiting hooligans

Despite spending the summer away from the fray in the serenity of the Lake District, one UoB bus driver has confirmed he can’t wait to return to work.

Aled Jenkins, 52, couldn’t be more excited for freshers week, because that’ll be when he’s introduced to a fresh hoard of inconsiderate, vomit-spewing louts kind enough to let him drive them, he explained.

The Whip spoke with Aled Tuesday night, just five sleeps until his first shift.

‘‘I’m ecstatic to be back’’ the Welshman remarked. ‘’When you go away for a couple of months to somewhere beautiful, you realise how much you miss being stuck in a moving container all night with a couple-hundred greasy, dinged-up teenagers.’’

He continued “I can’t wait to get back into the routine of getting home and not being able to sleep next to my wife due to how much I smell of fags and sick! It makes me feel so young!”

‘‘For nine months of the year, so much joy is brought into my life by these oblivious, intoxicated students. They don’t think about me, my feelings and my job at all. A lot of the other drivers think that’s a bad thing, but I’m down with it because I just love being involved, you know?

“Bring on Monday, I can’t wait to just to objectified by these idiots purely because they’re too immature and well-funded to control their actions or empathise with anyone over the age of 22. Boo-yeah!’’