World renowned lecturer who ‘needs no introduction’ proceeds to give hour-long introductory lecture

Introductions: many write them, most give them, but not all need them. Earlier this morning, a Bristol University lecturer performed an act of overwhelming benevolence for several hundreds of bright-eyed students – she gave an introduction.

Though this lecturer needn’t be named, she strode into the lecture hall with a spring in her step and a collective gasp across the auditorium, and something quite remarkable happened. The lady turned, smiled, and proceeded to give a talk introducing not only herself, but also her unit.

This indisputably altruistic deed has sent shockwaves around students campus-wide, being characterised by some as “Heart-warming”, “A humanitarian breakthrough”, and, “Superfluous”. The Whip spoke to some of the fortunate few present in the famous lecture,

“She’s like Nanny McPhee but opposite really” said one student, “because Ms McPhee, of course, is there when you need her but not when you want her. But here, what we didn’t need, we wanted. And after today, I will go on wanting no more.”

Another student regretfully admitted that they had missed this introductory talk, thinking it was unnecessary. “I thought we didn’t need it, alright? How was I to know this would be the result? The chances are one in a million, like being hit by lightning or DFS having a sale on. I just never thought this could happen.”

With introductory lectures scheduled across the rest of the week, questions are being raised about the true nature of them, whether students want them, and – more importantly – whether they need them.