Eduroam delighted at the prospect of another year of taking the fucking piss

This morning, the hopeless and pathetic WiFi network commonly known as eduroam got in touch with The Whip to chat about its aims for the upcoming year. 

All involved in this interaction were baffled by the technology’s ability to bypass the fundamental laws of physics and communicate in English, given its incapability to successfully load a ten minute YouTube video. 

“I was really on top of my game last year”, the wireless network told us. “I was receiving daily complaints and managed not to do a single day without crashing! I’m well on my way to becoming the worst WiFi provider in the western hemisphere and I feel great. I’m in a really good place right now. 

“By the turn of the new year, I’m promising every user that WiFi cut-outs will be up by 50%, and connection speed will be down to at least 50kb/s. That’s right, baby! I’m bringing back kilobytes per second!”

We also caught up with Connor Crumpet, a red-faced student who was pressing the refresh button for what he claimed was the 837th time, to get his take on the eduroam statement.

“eduroam? I thought it was euroroam. Anyway, great stuff as usual from them – they really know how to piss off an entire student body. Love the Kilobytes thing too – retro.”

Connor then proceeded to throw his laptop out of the window.