Footprints left by Fila ‘Disruptors’ spark international search for Sasquatch
Though most sightings of the mythologised ‘Bigfoot’ emanate from North-Western America, mysterious footprints around the University of Bristol campus have given researchers reason to believe that the Sasquatch may have crossed the Atlantic. Controversy lies in his peculiar choice of footwear, however, as his prints appear oddly reminiscent of a popular Fila sneaker.
To get to the bottom of this, Bristol’s Department of Anthropology and Archaeology have recruited some of their finest undergraduates to analyse the imprints. One member of the crack team of investigators, third year Selina Lynton, briefed The Whip.
“The culprit may not be acting alone. We have reason to believe that a larger posse of Fila-clad monsters could be stomping the Clifton area.
“There are often misidentifications and hoaxes of bigfoot-esque creatures. At this stage, we are unsure whether these hefty-hooved, clodhopping footprints have been created by students donning ‘Disruptor’ trainers or perhaps by a larger, rather stylish creature.”
The student informed us that the search to track down the suspects extends to the Downs, Brandon Hill Park and the ASS Library Green. The team conducting the investigation, wearing welding masks and PPE (Personal Protective Eyewear), are working tirelessly to find the Bristol Bigfoot at all costs.
The Whip has also heard substantial allegations that there may be a correlation between a city centre branch of Urban Outfitters being recently raided and this print-spreading pandemonium. Only time, and this comprehensive investigation, will tell.
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