Exeter Uni join forces with North Korean surveillance police to launch attendance app

It has come to the attention of The Whip this morning that the University of Exeter’s latest piece of tech – the iExeter app – is a collaborative project with the infamous North Korean Security Services. 

This revelation confirms the suspicions of many that the digital check-in service is not merely an innocent and efficient way to monitor student attendance, but a sinister structural change designed to deny thousands of students of their civil liberties. 

Ironically, it seems as though the University’s link with the corrupt and despotic Asian organisation actually came from its attempt to appear modern and ethical: the relationship was formed after an anti-Trump rally held on campus was spotted by North Korea’s mass surveillance programme.

There’s been uproar in the student body as all departments unanimously declare the application a ‘blatant perversion of basic human rights’.

Drama student Amy Hills claimed the app is “really harshing my vibe”. She continued: “like, I thought 8:30 seminars were meant to be some sort of funny joke, you know? I thought this was all supposed to be about ‘independent learning,’ and here I am actually being made to GO to CAMPUS? It’s like living in a prison state.”

The new application coincides with the creation of a new division of staff, SID Desk 27. Its location remains a mystery to many students, and reportedly those who find themselves trapped in an “attendance meeting” claim that the entire operation is “politically, a complete shitshow.”

A redacted statement has been released by the university, claiming that students need not worry, and that those who have nothing to hide should have nothing to fear from this recent merger.