Unit 1 makes history with a 3:1 minor celebrities to actual clubbers ratio
Over this weekend, Unit 1 became the first club in history to host a night in which there were more lesser-known celebrities than genuine paying clubbers in attendance.
In a press release, the owners of Unit 1 said they had “made a commitment” to upping the ante with the launch of their new club night: the D-Lister Dance Off.
“Not only will we ensure that minor soap stars outnumber paying guests at least one night a week; but we promise you that you will have no idea who they even are. We’re making it our mission to invite only the most tenuous of celebrity to our establishment.”
Unit 1 revealed exclusively to The Whip that a bolt-off between ‘Jo off of Emmerdale’ and the MP for South Lanarkshire is on the cards in the near future, commenting that they “anticipate that this will be the biggest night of Devon’s social calendar.”
The announcement, however, has proved a strain on Devon and Cornwall police, who have been making riot preparations in case of an emergency in the club.
The Whip reached out to a number of freshers, who seemed mostly uninterested. Rob Field, 19, did have this to comment:
“I like the racist one from S-Club 7. I might try to pull her in the smoking area.” We wish him luck.
- 1North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 4Freshers caught frantically burning skinny jeans under cover of darkness
- 5‘The Noise Pages’ takes matters into their own hands, burns down High Kingsdown