‘We’re in the crowd! Meet us at stern-starboard,’ says experienced Thekla club-goer

Thekla veteran Rees Kingsley wowed a crowd of onlookers this week through his shrewd use of nautical terms. The cunning Sociology student was spotted both messaging and shouting to several of his friends in mariner’s code in order to communicate his exact position on the vessel.

The novelty of Bristol’s solitary floating nightclub has long since worn off for most third year students, but not Rees. For him, the cramped and squalid watercraft continues to provide an exciting and enjoyable evening.

As for finding his way around, there was only ever one way to do it. The Whip caught up with the undergraduate to find out what inspired him to switch to the boaty buzzwords for his on-board navigation.

“Telling your mates you’re ‘front left’ doesn’t really work when you’re at sea”, he explained, “What if the ship hits a wave and the stage slides across the deck? Then you’d be front right. Your friends would never find you.”

He continued, “I only do it for practical usage really…there’s no other reason. Makes things easier you know, what with the entire pop punk back catalogue we’ve got playing on repeat in this place. It’s enough to wear down even the most weathered of indie-pop seamen.”

However, Mr. Kingsley’s nautical nonchalance does not tell the whole story. Often seen sporting a pirate’s hat and eyepatch, the dedicated clubber has reportedly insisted on only answering to ‘Captain K’, and has actively avoided citrus fruits from the start of term in order to develop ‘authentic’ scurvy in time for Halloween.

We spoke to Rees’s friend, Hannah, who told us:

“He gets pretty weird about it. We suggested going to the Apple for a few pints beforehand and he threatened us, saying we were committing mutiny by boarding another ship. Then some of the group went to Lakota and he called them ‘filthy land-clubbers’. It’s all going a bit too far if I’m honest.”