Student joins Quidditch Society, exiled from actual society
A Hiatt Baker muggle has withdrawn from wider society following her successful membership application to the University of Bristol’s official Quidditch Club, ‘Brizzlepuffs’.
Would-be wizard Emily Grimshaw is expecting to play no more of a role in the day to day concerns of the outside world and will instead focus her efforts on running around the Downs with a broom.
Much like the magical community in the much-lauded Harry Potter films, Brizzlepuffs is known to be a secluded, secretive society. It is thought that even the slightest interaction with an outsider is enough to send members scrambling for their ‘wands’ in fits of jumbled Latin.
Due to their insular nature, a great deal of care was taken by our reporter to secure an interview with Grimshaw, the club’s most recently inducted member, including referring to The Whip as ‘The Daily Prophet’. After some time, we were finally granted an interview.
“I just have no need for the outside world anymore, not now I have quidditch to focus on” the fresher revealed. “Before, I could go days or even weeks without hearing so much as a single reference to mythical creatures, magic fireplaces, or snot flavoured confectionery.”
She continued “But with Brizzlepuffs that’s not an issue. Just yesterday I was talking to the captain about how the stairs in the Wills Building resemble the shifting stairs in Hogwarts. Fewer death eaters though.”
Unfortunately, the interview was cut short when the first
year seeker bolted from the room after spotting a glint of light resembling a
If you would like to join Quidditch Society but have a desire to remain connected to actual society, then try Lacrosse. Similar skill level, better socials.
- 1North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 4Freshers caught frantically burning skinny jeans under cover of darkness
- 5‘The Noise Pages’ takes matters into their own hands, burns down High Kingsdown