Christian Union one-up Rockstar Games by offering real life redemption

Leeds Christian Union have boldly responded to the hotly anticipated release of Red Dead Redemption 2 by offering their own, supposedly superior, ‘everlasting’ redemption.

The Whip spoke to CU President Peter Wilmot about how their version can deliver thousands of lost souls in Leeds from evil.

“We just feel that it’s really important to offer something more than just some pixels on a screen,” he began.

“Sure, this new game allows almost unparalleled exploration of an incredibly lifelike open world landscape and an Oscar-worthy storyline, but what does this mean in the eyes of God?

“And yeah, one may appreciate how devs have finally pushed the next generation of consoles to their true potential, but have you guys heard of deathless life and never-ending bliss? I think it’s the one thing which might be better than this breathtaking addition to the Rockstar back-catalogue.”

We asked Peter if it were possible for a student to achieve heavenly redemption. “Yeah, I think so, providing they confess their sins and pay the membership fee – a deep love of Christ and thy neighbour.

“If you look at the market for redemptions, we’re offering very competitive rates – in America they charge for it on TV.”

We caught up with a die-hard gamer, who had this to say:

“I love Red Dead but sure, I’d be up for trying another version in a few years when I’ve played enough of this game,” the sleep deprived student commented, eyes twitching from spending too long staring at a screen.

“Maybe if they offer Read Dead Reincarnation I’ll have a rethink.”