Semi-Toned: “we only have our head up our arse because the acoustics are better!”

Exeter’s premier all-male a Capella group, Semi-Toned, has been dealt an enormous blow today as almost half of its members awoke to find that their balls had dropped, The Whip can reveal.

Easily recognisable by their burgundy jackets and inability to stop mentioning that they’re in Semi-Toned, the group was established in 2010 and currently boasts nine delightful middle-class bachelors among their ranks.

They even won BBC 2’s ‘The Choir’ with Gareth Malone, which Semi-Toned representatives assured our reporter was “a very prestigious accolade” and “the musical equivalent of DofE Silver Award.”

All of their success is now at risk, however, due to the unfortunate events of the past week, in which four of the current nine members hit puberty. We caught up with their President, Harry Ford, who elaborated on the crisis.

“I should have seen this coming,” confessed Harry, “I saw a few hairs on Benedict’s chin the other day but I held my tongue. I wish I’d struck pre-emptively and replaced him then, but it’s so hard to find someone with the perfect blend of vocal talent and purified narcissism. Now we have to find four at once!”

Dismissed member Wilkie Anderson was approached for comment, but he was too busy spending some time with new friends, one of whom said that he had “suddenly become bizarrely tolerable” following his parting of ways with the group. 

The failure to replace the dismissed members has left Semi-Toned in hot water after they cancelled a forthcoming performance at an Exmouth retirement home, but The Whip has been reassured that they have swiftly been replaced on the billing with a Michael Buble double-disk CD.