Churchill Hall students set maximum spend of £10,000 on ‘Secret Santa’

It’s that time of year again! The air is crisp, the days are short, and first years with little or nothing in common have decided to come together to anonymously give each other gifts they won’t like.

However, reports from Churchill Hall have emerged that a
drastic spending limit has been imposed. In a step towards greater inclusivity,
this year’s ‘Secret Santa’ has had a £10,000 limit imposed onto it.

The somewhat conservative figure has caused ripples of concern
around the halls of residence; with many worrying that this is an excessive
tightening of purse strings. The Whip
spoke to Churchill resident Thomas Markham who was reportedly furious with the
situation.

“It’s an absolute joke, I’ve already gotten my father to
complain. I mean my ideas are all dead in the water now. Millie can kiss
goodbye to her all-inclusive yachting holiday, goodbye to getting to keep a
small yacht of her own, and goodbye to singing lessons with Hip-Hop superstar
Little Yachty.”

Whilst Churchill has agreed to a £10,000 limit, students at Wills have no such threshold in place. One student is rumoured to be splashing out on a holiday home in the South of France for ‘that guy across the hall’, whilst another has just ordered a lifetime supply of Beluga caviar for someone he ‘doesn’t particularly rate.’

It appears that other halls, even those without an endless
supply of inherited money, have also been infected with the contagious
Christmas cheer. Badock and University Hall students have been slipping cinnamon
into their rolling tobacco and calling their cigarettes ‘Yule logs’. Meanwhile,
Durdham seems to be the only halls of residence with no celebrations planned at
all.