Holland Hall wins planning permission to demolish Mardon to make space for helipad

Accommodation officials last night won the right to end Mardon’s status as an independent hall, turning it into a hub of extra facilities for the adjacent Holland Hall.

Aside from its use as a helipad, what officials have renamed ‘The Holland Hall Country Club’ will include an underground swimming pool, a gym, a billiards room, a ‘relaxation area’, a spa, a private library and an indoor cinema.

The decision to turn Mardon into a recreational building has faced criticism considering the current oversubscription of students, with nearly 2,000 first years forced to use private accommodation this year. Most of the opposition has come from current Mardon residents, who now have four days to find alternative accommodation before renovation begins. The university has refused compensation, citing “financial deficits” as the reason.

“Honestly, with a helipad coming in we’re doing them a favour – they’ll be able to commute in! Surely they know at least SOMEONE with a chopper they can borrow?” mused Jeremy Cho, one of many Hollanders supporting the change. Another, Archie Denbigh-Graham, 19, whose house is worth £3.2 million, said that “this is a change long overdue.”

“One thing that I think is particularly important is that this change will mean that we don’t have to eat with Mardoners in the catering hall,” Archie continued. “They’re a bit chavvy and getting rid of them will certainly elevate the tone during suppertime.” The Holland student body has decided in favour of hosting weekly black-tie dinners to celebrate the change, where three course meals and unlimited port will be provided.