“Yeah but I went to state sixth form,” claims student attempting to distance themselves from family wealth

As first term draws to a close and friendships grow stronger, the constructed personalities of first years’ have begun crumbling to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets.

Last weekend The Whip was contacted by Anna Grady, one student who feels she has been unfairly labelled by her new friends. 

“They’re making me out to be this quintessential rich bitch,” complained Anna, who’d spent 13 of the first 16 years of her life boarding at Marlborough College before attending her local – and outstanding across the board – Sixth Form College.

“It’s just so harrowing,” Anna commented, as she fiddled with her family crest embedded signet ring.

“My family aren’t cash rich, Daddy put everything in assets when I was fifteen. Not to mention both my parents work: if that’s not working class, then what is?”

Anna continued to describe how her experience in the state sector helped her pick up all the latest slang in preparation for life at uni.

“I just fully say peak all the time now. This is who I am and I’m not going to let my past define me. I’m not posh, I’m not special, I’m just a normal girl –  and whether or not I have a pony or a Fiat 500 is neither here nor there.”

According to reports, Anna’s friends were shocked to discover her public school background.

“She’s always said she went state school,” explained her flatmate, Tom. “What she didn’t mention, we now realise, is that it was as a token gesture to increase her chances of getting into Uni after fucking up her GCSEs. I don’t know what to believe anymore… although here’s hoping she’s got a second home in Tuscany as I could really do with a holiday.”