Pensioner beaten to a pulp for wearing ‘Loughborough scum’ mauve scarf

A pensioner has been left fighting for her life after a brutal attack at the hand of some Exeter University students, who cited the woman’s ‘Loughborough scum’ purple scarf as the reason for the attack.

The altercation took place at a Sidwell Street bus stop, as a group of 2nd team hockey players on their way to Wednesday night TP pres, noticed Doris McCafferty, wearing a mauve scarf as she waited for a bus.

What allegedly started as a few light-hearted jibes in Doris’ direction escalated rapidly when the 89-year-old shouted back “come on then, ‘ave it you smarmy twats,” in their direction whilst whirling her scarf in the air, according to witnesses.

The hockey players then preceded to throw Doris to the floor and kick her for seven minutes.

Jason Kirklees, one of the students involved in the fracas, had the following to say about the incident: “We were just a little bit merry, it was a Wednesday at half five and we’d had a few, we just thought we’d have a little joke.”

“But when she told us to have a pop, we couldn’t just stand there, could we? We had to protect the integrity of the hockey club, the AU and the University itself,” continued Jason, “and a woman flaunting the colour of those smug twats knows that she’s putting herself in the firing line.”

Opinions are divided over whether or not the attack was justified, with many University sports teams expressing solidarity with the attackers, and literally everyone else in the entire world finding it disgraceful.

“They beat up an old woman. How is this even a conversation?” opined bemused second-year Samira Jafar. Masters engineer Tate Roberts was opposed too, but for different reasons: “I’m a feminist – that means everyone is equal – so you can beat up anyone, but that scarf was mauve, not purple. Details are everything when you’re assaulting a pensioner.”