Seat-saving mix up! Student reserves desk in library with towel and lounger in southern Spain with lecture notes

Librarians and pool attendants alike were like confused
yesterday afternoon after one mixed-up fresher reserved a space in the ASS with
a towel and a Spanish sunbed with lecture notes.

Melissa Caddis, seemingly in two places at once and yet in
neither, befuddled staff at both the Arts and Social Sciences library in
Bristol and at the Hotel Feliz in Malaga. When speaking to The Whip today, it became clear that the Arts Student was either
clumsy, or brilliant, or both.

“Look, I know it’s terribly embarrassing but I don’t know
what else there is to say. I took a cigarette break and came back fifteen
minutes later, I didn’t cause any harm.

“All of these questions, ‘Were you in Malaga or the ASS?’,
‘How did your minor mixup span 1500 Miles?’ It’s incessant. I think people need
to get out of the house more, really.”

The faux pas has not only caused the fresher’s
embarrassment, but has led to huge queues and/or panic on beaches on the southern
Spanish coast. Caddis has become mytholigised, attaining a reputation as
“amenaza de papal”, or “the paper menace.”

It is understood that the first year was forced to stare
intensely at the hotel’s poolside menu in a futile attempt to save face.