“For the love of God please write about something else,” Love Island cast beg The Tab

After several months of delving into their private lives, the 2015 cast of the ITV hit Love Island have posed a formal complaint to the student publication the Tab to “give it a bloody rest.”

The Tab’s infamous ‘Love Island Watchdog’ section is known for headlines such as ‘Jack commented on Dani’s Insta post and she REPLIED’. However, this morning the cast decided to take a stand against the student media outlet, requesting that the writers decrease the number of Love Island-related articles they publish, which at the time of press came in at a whopping 92% of all the content.

Love Island’s 2017 winners, Dani and Jack, have personally spoken out against the publication. In a formal complaint (given over Snapchat) the couple stated, “even though our livelihood, income and probably the wellbeing of our future children are ensured by the promotional activities of The Tab, it’s getting too much.

“My Mum doesn’t speak to me anymore,” chipped in Dani, “there’s no need. She just scrolls through The Tab Manchester’s Facebook page every morning and she’s all caught up. I miss her.”

Jack had alternative motives for the complaint: “we’re doing this for the greater good. We’re sacrificing our own publicity for the sake of student IQ across Britian. ”

This statement comes in light of a study which revealed that a student may be 40% less likely to graduate if they read the website daily, and 57% more likely to experience a mid-life crisis if they become a writer for The Tab.

One student commented, “when I read it, my head feels a bit softer? Like kind of spongey? The doctor prescribed The Guardian. It hasn’t worked.”

The publication have released a reply: “Despite the current mainstream media facing criticism for watering itself down for clickbait, fake news and obstruction of privacy, The Tab have always, and always will, endeavor to uphold the saying: “The pen is mightier than the sword” as well as, “Love Island is mightier than other reality TV, which is mightier than everything else.”

This could mark a downfall for the popular website as it has also been noted that articles such as “What your choice of ugly trainers reveals about you as a person” or “We can tell exactly how much sex you’re having from the items in your bedroom” may be potentially unreliable.