Economics exam rescheduled to Temple Meads, platform 6

Thorpe Park's Nemesis Inferno was also considered.

Train tracks are a notoriously difficult place to sit an exam.

Unsatisfied with only inconveniencing students with an exam at Temple Meads, the Economics faculty went one infuriating step further by relocating ‘Introduction to Quantitative Easing’ to the tracks of platform 6 yesterday morning.

Reports suggest that the timetabling team decided against the ‘much too easily accessed’ Passenger Shed, and instead settled on the live tracks by virtue of their being ‘a challenging but probably survivable’ obstacle for first years.

‘We toyed with the idea of putting the exam in the SU, but this seemed far too obvious a location for the test to take place,’ explained the course convener, ‘so the only other alternative was the live train tracks of Temple Meads.

‘Touching the tracks is of course not recommended. Even the slightest contact will cause 17,000 volts of electricity to course through their feeble bodies. Of course, that challenge provides some pizazz to an otherwise deathly boring three hours for the overseeing exam invigilators.

‘Looking forward, the first problem the students should expect to face when opening their papers is avoiding the 09:31 from Salisbury, a 12-carriage locomotive with an impact force of seventeen megatonnes. The remaining 2 hours should be spent in silent examination, avoiding swarms of defecating pigeons, pissing tramps and screaming toddlers who hurl themselves like lemmings from the platform edge.

‘We toyed with setting up shop on the inside lane of the M25, in a carriage of Thorpe Park’s Nemesis Inferno, or downtown Raqqa, but ultimately logistical issues necessitated the use of platform 6.’

Ed Strang