Breaking reports have emerged that an individual from the West Midlands has guzzled the city of Bristol’s entire supply of glitter, face paint and sparkles, in preparation for the ‘Love Saves The Day’ weekend festival.
All seven of Bristol’s fancy dress shops were reportedly contacted by a young woman last week.
She thereafter insisted on acquiring their entire stock ‘regardless of longterm demand, stock levels or cost’.
Her actions have caused outrage amongst Bristol locals. Primary school teachers have been mobilising on social media in a bid to find the student and protest outside her house. A reporter spoke to one campaigner.
‘It was already a total disgrace 99% of the town’s glitter can be concentrated in the hands of less than 1% of people. But now, it’s literally entirely monopolised by this one selfish bitch.
‘Granted, she looks really funky and will fit in beautifully at whichever techno stage is most popular. Also, I suppose the blinding sparkles totally distract from her piercing, MDMA-addled eyes. But really, this individual needs to start thinking of our children.
‘They are being left with nothing to do but read and write in class – when in reality, they ought to be glittering, macaroni-ing and PVA gluing their way to a more secure future.’