Motion (when full)

In yet another last-ditch attempt to prepare for university, incoming Archaeology and Anthropology student James White was today met with laughter and incredulity as he became the very first fresher of 2017 to begin queuing at popular Bristol nightclub Motion, an impressive 9 days and 10 hours early for ‘Wonderland’ – the SU’s marquee welcome week event.

When questioned on his extraordinarily premature arrival the 18-year-old informed The Whip that he was angling for one of the event’s promised free drinks for the first 50 revellers.

‘Of course, I’ve heard lots about Motion from many fresher Facebook groups and Student Room comment threads.’ He began.

‘Not surprising, I suppose – as we all know it’s Bristol’s largest and most highly regarded nightclub!

‘It seemed prudent, therefore, to get here early to make sure I don’t miss out. I’ve gotta get some of those drinks!’

Conspicuously oblivious to the cost of the social capital lost from arriving in time for the free booze in comparison to the literal cash saved (even at exorbitant Motion prices), James refused to be turned away by the bouncers.

‘Every year a few of these kids turn up too early. It’s understandable – they’re just excited about starting first year,’ one doorman told The Whip, ‘even bearing that mind, this chap is still pushing the definition of promptness to its logical limit’.

‘We told him to come back in maybe a week or so, but he just wouldn’t budge. The poor bugger will have frostbite soon.

‘Maybe we should buy him a tent or something?’

At press time the now slightly dejected to-be Durdham tenant had reportedly begun planning to make a poorly advised post on the ‘University of Bristol Freshers 2017-2018′ Facebook group in order to seek out companions for the wait.

Luke Cox