The triumphant triumvirate assembled, lighter out of shot

Club-goers were in shock last night as it emerged that a University of Bristol undergraduate had all the correct equipment to build a functioning, smoking roll up. The news quickly spread throughout the smoking area of Bunker as the fresher in question realised that not only did he have a filter, rizla, and plenty of tobacco, but also a lighter to start his cigarette.

‘It was as big a shock to me as it was to the rest of the nightclub,’ explained the first year.

‘Usually this whole process takes about ten to fifteen minutes. It was like I’d time travelled. I’d gained time.’

The student, who spoke to The Whip shortly after the event, is all too familiar with the usual struggle.

He continues, ’I mean, the filters are usually pretty easy to get a hold of, because if you’ve got the right connections, you might be able to get a whole line of them. Usually it’s the rizlas that are the problem’.

Many spectators were apparently already in awe of the fact a fresher had the three main components required for fag-building, but after pulling out a lighter, it was clear this wasn’t just an everyday coincidence, but a genuinely rare phenomenon.

‘I saw some mad shit on my gap year,’ shouted one second year onlooker, ‘but this just takes the biscuit. Lighter and all. This is one for the grandkids.’

Aaron Drapkin


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