Residents of North London have received a notice from TFL warning that significant delays should be expected following the end of term at the University of Bristol.

With teaching week 12 coming to an end this Friday, a seemingly endless armada of Fiat 500s is set to descend upon East Finchley later that afternoon, causing the population of the entire area to swell threefold.

The mass exodus from Bristol, primarily from Hiatt Baker hall and the Redland area, will see roughly 3,147,800 students all return to a narrow stretch of the Jubilee Line, with Muswell Hill and Highgate Hampstead expected to be hit particularly hard.

Delays are likely on both public transport and most roads, as several thousand undergraduates (somehow all called Tilly, Milly or Lily) swarm into the nation’s capital.

The Whip contacted The Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, who gave the following statement:

‘As the countdown to Christmas reaches its final week or so, we can all start to get excited about spending some time with our families and getting a well earned rest after a difficult year.

‘I would just like to take this opportunity to reassure people living in the affected areas that the sudden influx of flares and red puffer jackets usually subsides after about 24 hours, and is nothing to worry about.

‘Please just be careful on the roads, and be patient and courteous on the busier tube lines.’

After the initial shock, it is understood that the second element of this phenomenal migration will conversely see the population shrink again by up to 80%. On Sunday 17th, the entire cohort is predicted to fly out to various ski resorts across the Swiss Alps, with parents and siblings in tow. Heavy delays are expected at Heathrow and Gatwick.

Charlie Meyrick