‘New year, new me!’ exclaimed Arabella Turnball as she discussed her new gym membership with The Whip.

‘I can’t wait to tread that mill again in April.’

The third-year English undergrad is just one in a swathe of students who have turned out this week to sign up to the Triangle’s hottest new sweat-spot, Sometimes Fitness.

Like many of the Triangle’s most visited establishments, Sometimes Fitness is an innovative rebrand of its delusory predecessor, Anytime Fitness.

Rumour has it that the team behind the shake-up are also responsible for the ingenious renaming of Bunker and Lizard Lounge, which recently became Gravity and The Lounge Clifton, respectively.

The Whip spoke with Graeme, the gym’s manager, to understand the motivation behind the changes.

‘We just wanted to make it more accessible for our clientele – the infamously lethargic student body, few of whom have any sense of respect for their own bodies.

‘We had received a lot of feedback saying that the name Anytime made students feel intimidated and lazy, as if they should be going at 3 or 4am every day.

‘In reality, a lot of members prefer to go once or twice a year, so we thought it was time to refresh the brand.

‘We want students to know that they only have to come when they can be bothered – that’s where the idea of ‘sometimes’ came from.

‘The new name has attracted a lot of attention, and we’re pleased to have received a record number of sign-ups this January.’

Graeme also informed The Whip of Sometimes’ plan to take its student appeal a step further.

These include the conversion of the free-weights section into a smoking area, creating a careers advice station where the office currently is, and adding redstripes, Jaegerbombs and long rizla to the in-house vending machines.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here