Freshers blinded by floodlights at Gravity’s ‘Lit Monday’

Gravity, previously of ‘Bunker’ fame, suffered an unprecedented PR disaster at their inaugural student night on Monday as their literal interpretation of the term ‘Lit Mondays’ resulted in widespread loss of sight.

Having been assured that MCs Jamie Laing and Alex Mytton would be “breaking the tunes down all night”, freshers were appalled to discover that it was actually their retinas breaking down as they were met by four 800 GigaWatt floodlights in the basement.

One amaurotic reveller recalled his experience for The Whip.

“I turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs and was greeted by the light of a thousand suns. I heard my father whisper that he loved me, saw the faces of my family and friends, and then…nothing. I woke up in hospital surrounded by lawyers – at least I think they were lawyers, I couldn’t really see.”

Having been asked to comment, Gravity released the following statement:

“We deeply regret to hear that dozens of our customers were struck by partial or total blindness at our event last night.

However, we stand by our decision. We promised an exhilarating club experience and that is exactly what they got.”


Ed Strang

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