Raul Castro: Fidel ‘probably not that gutted’ to have Missed Black Friday 2016

Fidel’s brother and current Cuban President Raul Castro has spoken on the significance of El Commandante’s passing on his favourite commercial holiday: Black Friday. Although he died on this year’s event, Raul does not think his despot brother would have been too disappointed to have missed the mass marketing event. In an exclusive discussion with The Whip’s Cuba editor, Raul Castro commented on his brother’s likely feelings.

“I dunno, Fidel was always a big one for things like cigars, military fatigues, and snatching 70 inch 4K curved Samsung televisions from the desperate grasp of the elderly, but I just think this year Black Friday wouldn’t have massively been for him”, the 85 year old opined.

“Don’t get me wrong, he loved a sweaty, caffeine-fuelled 50 metre dash down the gadgets aisle in the Havana ASDA as much as the next militant revolutionary communist, and always looked forward to the inevitable Black Friday hype.

You shoulda seen him when the Xbox One came out! For the first time in years everything didn’t revolve around the ‘damned yankees’, the unparalleled drive to improve domestic healthcare, or edging the world to almost certain nuclear destruction. We had the old Fidel back, it was lovely for everyone in the presidential residence.

“However, this time I think it was right he passed away rather than heading down to his local Sainsbury’s, Game or Urban Outfitters for a punt at some price slashed goods. By the end, he was just a little frail and too depressed by the failure of communism to take globally.

Plus, it’s easy to forget how China’s capitulation to the market really got him down during his autumn years. Nowadays they make all Fidel’s favourite stuff – Snapchat filters, Mac contouring kits, hover boards – you name it -, so it’s probably for the best as he would have been so bummed out.”

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