Supremely deluded lead tenant sticks kitchen rota to fridge
In a baffling display of naïvety a Hyde Park second year student has reportedly drawn up and gaffer-taped a categorised cleaning schedule to the fridge of his student house.
The student left the premises after this psychotic episode. He is reportedly still at large.
The incident was witnessed by Ben, a housemate of the student in question, who must remain anonymous for legal reasons.
Ben contacted The Whip this morning.
“We always knew he was organised. His room in halls was tidy, he always did his seminar reading, and I truly believe he took his role as treasurer of the Economics Soc seriously, not just as a ploy to sleep with freshers.
“But he’d always been a little naïve – always too hopeful that other students weren’t lazy, selfish idiots. I should have recognised the early signs when he asked Jenny [another housemate] to buy some toilet paper in first week.
“That may have been kinda reasonable, but this… this has gone too far. I witnessed the whole thing. He was sweating, shaking and had a crazed look in his eye as he stuck that rota to the fridge door.
“He needs psychiatric help. This has gone beyond anything we could have imagined.”
The sheer dimwittedness of the student has come to the attention of the University, who have released a statement encouraging those who come across this student ‘not to provoke him’ and avoid an array of trigger words including ‘fair’, ‘SplitWise’ and ‘fairy liquid’.
The status and whereabouts of the student is unknown. If found please contact The Whip.
- 1North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 4Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 5Oak House students seeking prison sentences in bid for more homely accommodation