Theresa May vows to put a cap on every Bristol fresher by January 2018

‘Ralph Lauren or otherwise, this policy is long overdue.’

Theresa May this morning announced plans to ensure that a cap, Ralph Lauren or otherwise, would be put on every University of Bristol fresher before the start of the second quarter of 2018.

The changes are due to take place in the exam period following Christmas vacation.

Although the prime minister is confident about the new policy, there has been mixed reactions from vested interests.

A first-year UoB student, who has asked to remain anonymous, spoke to The Whip.

‘Honestly, I think this is really unfair. Many of us have worked so hard to undergo a mass of meticulous, fine-grained character modifications since September. Honestly, it’s been a real slog and a huge amount of effort.

‘To then come out and say that freshers must be capped it a real insult.’

In response response, the government has begun consultation concerning amending the policy, the Guardian reports, claiming that we can now expect around 80% of freshers to be capped.

‘This amended target is probably as far as we can go, considering various social restrictions,’ Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport Karen Bradley commented.

‘Those individuals going into second or third year, who take a look in the mirror, grow up and decide to drop the cap, will face no repercussions.

‘However, all must wear their headpiece on and off for a while first to make sure no-one notices a bait style change. That’d be really embarrassing – they’ve gotta be relaxed and cool.’ She concludes.

Francesca RT

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