Scotland follows Catalonia and declares independence from Spain

‘We’re in enough of a mess without random areas of the country suddenly declaring independence from foreign states’

In a highly unexpected turn of events the Scottish government this evening announced it will be leaving Spain just days after the world witnessed the Catalonian Parliament turn its back on Madrid.

The announcement came shortly after lunchtime on Friday, with First Minister Nicola Sturgeon describing the surprise move as an attempt ‘to create a Scottish republic and regain sovereignty from the Iberian elite’.

It is still unclear as to whether this is a reactionary measure to Spain’s controversial treatment of the Catalonia dispute or just some weird pan-European constitutional prank.

Commenting from Westminster, Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson described the move as ‘naked opportunism by the SNP’, whilst Theresa May simply declared that, ‘as per usual, I no fucking clue what the hell is going on’.

She continues, ‘We’re in enough of a mess without random areas of the country suddenly declaring independence from foreign states to which they have literally no legal, political, or cultural ties.’

Such arbitrary behaviour from Scotland could prove divisive and inflammatory on the European stage in months to come.

The Whip spoke to Henry, an International Relations student at Bristol, who described Scotland’s radical decision to cut all ties with Spain as ‘surrealist politics’.

He continues, ’This is absolutely ridiculous? It’s like a Salvador Dali painting, or that weird crap that sometimes forms on your tea – no-one understands it and, in a way, it’s pretty unsettling.

‘The only way the British government could match this insanity is by, I dunno, the prime minister vowing to nationalise Quentin Tarantino’s entire back catalogue, the invasion of the Czech Sudetenland by Justine Greening and the Department of Education, or maybe David Davis signing an exclusive trade deal with Pete Doherty. The entire thing’s a farce.’

With the sanction of direct rule from Madrid having little to no meaning in Scotland, it will be interesting to see what move Spanish PM Mariano Rajoy takes next to resurrect the situation.

Alexander Bernard Callaghan

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