Confusion and outrage after Wire plays song with word in it

An unprecedented event.

Clubbers were left incredulous yesterday after Wire digressed from its tried-and-tested formula of playing only soul-crushing, minimalist techno and instead blasted a track containing a lyric.

The reaction from Wire’s clientele was far from positive. The attendees are known for their love of self-assured head nodding and loud, computer-y noises. They are certainly not known for their love of words, and its thought many are unable to read or write.

The Whip was on the scene immediately after the incident. We caught up with one Leeds University second year, James Beard, who witnessed the nightclub’s surprise change of approach.

“I came to Wire to vibe out to some sick beats and get sweaty as fuck, not listen to words. Like, if I wanted to listen to words I would go to my seminar tomorrow morning, speak to my parents, or something else similarly tragic.

“It seems nowadays that they’ve got some kind of agenda to force us to converse like functioning members of society and that’s simply not the role this nightclub has in Leeds culture. Frankly, they’re rising above their station and trying to dictate certain standards of communication, and none of us like it.”

The Whip reached out to Wire for comment. They replied with a link to a term-less 30 minute Soundcloud set, presumably in a bid to reaffirm their reputation after this latest scandal.

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