‘Nut roasts are just as good as turkey!’ lies Cowspiracy vegetarian convert

‘I feel better than all the global warmers at the table!’

Vegetarians across the UK have been caught lying again about their preferences for meat alternatives. A study has revealed that when asked whether they prefer turkey or nut roasts at Christmas 8 out of 10 vegetarians lied that they would choose the latter.

Redland resident Callum, a recent convert, spoke to The Whip.

‘I became an environmental vegetarian during freshers week after I saw an eye-opening documentary with a group of friends. I don’t know if you’d have heard of it, it’s called Cowspiracy?

‘I haven’t spoken to any of the people I watched it with since, but at the time we all agreed we would take a stand against the dairy industry.

‘Since then, I’ve only eaten beef twenty times and I’ve switched to semi-skimmed milk. It’s great to feel like I’m doing my bit, and I get to eat yummy food that I wouldn’t have tried otherwise.

‘Last Christmas my mum made me a nut loaf to replace turkey at Christmas dinner. It was delicious! Pumpkin seeds and lentils are so good after that smoked salmon and scrambled eggs breakfast, and go really well with pigs in blankets.

‘It’s great because you get a delicious meal, but you also get to feel really high and mighty next to all of the global warmers at the table!’

Another study shows vegetarians as having lied about or contradicted their own actions in 60% of the sentences they have uttered so far this year, and 90% of sentences regarding food choices. It places them as the UK’s second most dishonest and disliked group, ahead of bankers and journalists but closely behind vegans.

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