Relentlessly PC Bristol Student Union unveils secular holiday shrub
The UOB Student Union has proudly announced the unveiling of its seasonal secular holiday shrub, which will take place on Tuesday afternoon after a wintry holiday singalong in the Anson Rooms.
The tree is touted as the SU’s ‘most socially aware decorative object yet’ and is anticipated to bump Bristol’s student representative body up two places on the National Index of Inclusiveness (NII).
The shrub will be decorated with multi-coloured holiday decorations and lights, which will cover its entirety, to represent the diversity and connectivity represented in the student population.
The baubles, tinsel and christmas lights have also been renamed unconsecrated orbs, earthly garlands and temporal torches, respectively.
It will be topped by a gold floating holiday cherub, to symbolise that whilst we might look different now, we were all once fat babies.
It will be situated in the hugely popular Balloon Bar, which is hosting a seasonal bird roast this Saturday to mark the start of the holiday season. The SU encourages people to bring what it describes as ‘mutual material holiday contributions’ to place under the shrub and then exchange after the meal.
So whether you’ve nipped down for a Zumba class, a play rehearsal, or the Christmas special of your Burst Radio Show, get yourself down to the Balloon Bar for some politically correct holiday fun.
In the vein of the recently rebranded U1 Bus, the SU assures that this really is a shrub for everyone!
- 1Greta delivers earth-shattering Motion techno set during Bristol visit
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 4North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 5Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form