In a story that will change the face of global politics forever, The Whip can today reveal that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict has been unequivocally resolved by James Bentley, a second year Geography student.
Yesterday, as a last-ditch attempt to revise for his upcoming ‘Floods, Flows and Erosion in River Basins’ exam, James took a Modafinil pill to aid his concentration while working in Manchester’s Ali G library. However, his plan backfired when he became unreservedly focussed on finding a political, geographical and economic solution to the inconceivably complex feud between the Arab and the Jewish people.
The Whip caught up with James this morning during one of his many cigarette breaks.
“I only took the study drug cause I needed to finish two whole topics and a past paper,” James confessed.
“I don’t know what came over me. One minute I’m labelling a diagram of a river and the next thing you know I’m leading a Google Hangout with Benjamin Netanyahu, Mahmoud Abbas and António Guterres, secretary general of the UN.
“It’s all a bit of a blur, but I reckon my thought process must have gone: river basin – river bank – the West Bank – the lengthy and brutal power struggle in the Middle East.
“I had to borrow some headphones, and there was one wobbly moment when Eduroam cut out during some pretty crucial chats about oil… but other than that it all went pretty smoothly.”
The Fallowfield resident is set to receive the Nobel Peace Prize later in the year.
Ironically, it seems that James will not be able to pursue a career in political conflict resolution as he is set to achieve third class honours due to this episode.