‘Just pop a Modafinil’ student body urges government after Brexit talks slow once again

“Nah, but it genuinely works”

An advisory board of students have today released a statement to the government, suggesting Theresa May and David Davis ‘pop a daffy or two’ to increase productivity at Brexit negotiations.

It is unknown how May and Davis will take this suggestion. Scientists and political commentators, however, are united in agreement that negotiating the political and economic terms for an EU exit require roughly the same amount of concentration as revising three topics, doing a past paper, and smashing out a 2000 word formative essay in one day.

The group of University students have compiled a comprehensive list of proposals, including the recommendation of certain Spotify playlists, and the explanation of the surprising advantages of pulling an all nighter.

The advice was solicited after international press spotted Davis on his third fag break in one hour, and a nation-wide distress signal was seen coming from the Brussels offices.

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