An intrepid Stoke Bishop History student discovered city centre hall Favell House Thursday evening.
Her discovery was promptly followed by the erection of her family standard outside its main entrance, the extraction of all value from the local natural resources to the benefit of Churchill residents ‘back home’, the establishment of a brutal centralised oligarchy ignorant of local practices under the pretence of liberal democracy, and the disenfranchisement of erstwhile landowners.
Milly Buck, the 18-year-old in question, was seen entering the accommodation around 12am after tapping out from a packed Thekla smoking area.
The Whip spoke to her Sunday evening as her regime tightened its grip on power over the new Stoke Bishop colony.
‘So basically I left Thekla because it was busy. A couple of the gang wanted to stay a bit longer but I really fancied some chips from those Harbourside chicken shops, so left them behind and headed that way.
‘Anyways, I was pretty mashed and got lost on the way, eventually finding myself at the foot of this huge concrete blob.
‘Quickly, though, I realised the blob was a place human people inhabit.
‘That blew my mind: where were the turrets?; where were was the cloister?; where was the feeling that your school is a really special one and not everyone is as lucky as you?
‘That’s when I realised, I must help these poor souls. I must educate and civilise them, that is my burden, my cross to bear. So, with the help of some of my fellow Churchillians, I quickly went about claiming the entire building for my own. Yes, I may not have any legitimate claim to their bedrooms, corridors, kitchens or communal areas, but I have my standard and civility.
‘The indigenous Favellians are indebted to me and my kind.’