‘I LOVE Loyle Carner and Mac DeMarco!’ bleats recently shepherded sheep
The number of even-toed ungulate converts roaming the streets of Bristol are reaching critical levels, the University’s Biology Department has reported this morning.
They warn that, unless the animals are not controlled soon, global supplies of Levi’s 501s, rolling tobacco and vinyl copies of King Krule’s latest album might drop so low so to warrant a state of emergency in Somerset.
The Whip spoke to second year Geography student, Ed Johnson, over the phone as he prepared to buy his first pair of dungarees.
‘I just relate to Loyle Carner so much, you know? I mean, he loves his mum, I love my mum; he wears clothes, so do I; my music is on Soundcloud and his probably was as well, at some point. I guess I just represent the frontier of the ever-changing flow of the zeitgeist. Oh yeah and I voted for Corbyn.’
It has been reported that many English Literature seminars are being taken over by actual shepherds, as the outbreak appears to have hit the programme particularly hard.
Keith Doyle, a hardened herder from the Outer Hebrides, stated that ‘These are the first sheep I’ve ever encountered who overemploy, let alone even use, the word “dichotomy” so much in a single hour.
‘I keep asking them what a “Mac DeMarco” is, but the only response I get is “baaaah bah bah bah baaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh bah bah bbbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh BBBBBBBAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH”. I also appear to be the only person wearing knitwear in a non-ironic fashion.’
- 1North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 4Oak House students seeking prison sentences in bid for more homely accommodation
- 5Freshers caught frantically burning skinny jeans under cover of darkness