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Woodland Road twinned with Champs-Élysées after student beret surge

‘I felt a couple of dismissive shrugs away from the streets of Paris!’

Bristol City council this morning announced the twinning of Woodland Road with Champs-Élysées after a spike in beret-wearing amongst the local population.

The joining of the university thoroughfare with the 8th arrondissement of Paris followed a state visit by mayor of the latter, Jeanne d’Hauteserre.

The Whip met with her Saturday afternoon.

‘When I arrived on Woodland Road yesterday evening I instantly felt at home.

‘There was barely any smiling on the sullen, broody faces that surrounded me. This bounty of glum artsy types, many of whom were smoking loads even though they didn’t really seem to be enjoying it much, couldn’t have been more reminiscent of my electorate back home.

‘It was when I saw the beaucoup de berets, though, that I finally realised my visit needed marking with a concrete gesture. What better than a formal twinning of these two pompous centres of self-aggrandisement?

‘I felt one baguette and a couple of dismissive shrugs away from the streets of Paris!’

It is not yet clear what policy changes could ensue the joining of the two locales, although some commentators have suggested Bristol’s newfound status as a cultivated cosmopolitan utopia could see it confirmed as City of Culture 2025, amongst the likes of Coventry and Hull.

Fran Golinski Drinkwater

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