Illusions Bar has offered music producer Labrinth a permanent position after his successful prediction of last Saturday’s earthquake in Bristol.
The quake, which reached 4.2 on the Richter scale, has brought the musician back to public attention, following his exile for flirting with the occult.
Now, Illusions Bar wants to make him their resident Oracle.
Geologists have been left dumbfounded. Gillian Arkwright, head of Earth Sciences at Bristol, approached The Whip to comment that she is ‘absolutely flabbergasted’.
‘It’s obvious this Labrinth chap has an aptitude for prophesising. Remarkable young man. We’re witnessing no illusions here.
‘We’d like to harness whatever’s giving him these visions.’
But Labrinth is unsurprised by the result. ‘Yeah, at the time I wrote that song I got in with a weird crowd, a group of Druids from Canterbury.
‘They kept feeding me this strange broth. It tasted like shitty ass. After a while everything suddenly went dark, and I started seeing into the future.’
He has also made several other successful forecasts, such as Britain’s decision to leave the European Union and the election of Donald Trump.
‘It’s all written in the stars, guys.’
Various religious groups have been seeking the guidance of Labrinth, in an attempt to refine their own metaphysical predictions.
Daniel Ickering, leader of the UoB Scientology Society, has summoned Labrinth to a séance. He hopes the musician will accurately predict the reckoning of the Lizard Queen, marking the final stage of human liberation from The Age of Rubble and Dust.
‘We’re planning to host our next social at Illusions Bar. Naturally, therefore, we are eager to speak to him. We could use a guy like him. God knows we do.
‘Sorry, I mean Xenu knows.’