Bristol to host remainder of 2018 Winter Olympics

The Winter Olympics Committee this morning announced a retroactive switch of venues for the ongoing 2018 games after Bristol was deemed a more suitable location than Pyeongchang.

The move came as a surprise for some commentators, especially when considering the crushing economic and social impact of gutting and transferring hundreds of luges, jumps and half pipes from the South Korean city to Clifton and Redland by plane.

The Whip spoke to Richard Burke of Bristol City Council about their late application and subsequent nomination earlier today. He seemed thrilled about what the games would bring to Bristol, a city which has tended to be a national focal point of art and nightlife rather than organisationally disastrous winter sports competitions.

‘Of course, this thing is going to come as a big blow to the South Koreans. They’ve been preparing to host the games since 2011 and have developed a huge array of facilities. From hotels and transport links to the many race tracks and ski lifts, they were absolutely ready – and hugely excited – for 2018.

‘Further to that, up until this point, the entire event has come off without a hitch. The Winter Olympics, which concluded Sunday with a fittingly awesome closing ceremony, have been rightly dubbed an unqualified success. The Paralympics are set to commence next week, and would have surely been pulled off with similar professionalism and aplomb.

‘However, no-one was prepped for the absolute white shitstorm which descended on South West England yesterday. Have you looked outside recently? It’s like a glorious urban Lapland out there. As soon as Council Leader Ann Harris noticed this, the snowy conditions that is, she got in contact with the WOC.

‘Naturally they were on board pretty much instantly. Whilst Pyeonchang is very snowy too, Bristol is equally snowy right now, and also has lots of cool clubs and fancy restaurants. What’s South Korea got in comparison? As far as I’m concerned, it’s just all drones and exhausting international relations over there. Boring.

‘Plus, it never ever snows this much in the UK, so the WOC empathised with our buzz.

‘A fleet of Boeings is set to fly from Seoul Saturday morning, with all their facilities attached below on flimsy ropes like some horrifying fever dream set in a film called “War of the Worlds: Ikea Unleashed”, or something.

‘It’s big stuff for our city. I can’t wait!’ He concluded.

Toby DB