In an act of extraordinary generosity Hugo Fitzherbertson-Whittingdale, a second year history student and pioneering altruist, has donated half of his surname to Brazilian footballer Paulinho.
The Whip has learnt that it was during the 2016 Copa America that the Redland resident discovered many Brazilian footballers go only by one name. He shared his story.
‘I was at the pub with the lads, lashing and watching the footy, when I saw this Brazilian chap, Paulinho, who – bizarrely – seemed to have only a first name. I thought I’d have a gander at the roster while the babe at the bar fixed me drink number five.
‘I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Fred, Oscar, Hulk, Neymar Jr., Fernando, Fernandinho… “this is not just one guy”, I thought, “this is bloody systemic!”
‘To think, I’d been backpacking round South America on the gappers, and doing nothing about it! So, I had a little chinwag with my mate Chompsy, and we came up with a killer POA.
‘We agreed that since we actually have five surnames between the two of us, we could donate some of them to the players over in Brazil who only have the singular name. I mean, most people know us as Whitters and Hurlers anyway. Ruddy good hack, don’t you think?’
Hugo and Chompsy reportedly followed this selfless act of charity with an appeal for donations of family crests, for underprivileged Brazilians to put on their signet rings.
Unsurprisingly, neither scheme has caught on.