A Badock-residing smoke detector has today shared the harrowing details of its time held captive under a sock, at the hands of a particularly stoner-y fresher.
The smoke detector, who has asked for its name to be withheld from this article, explained how on only the second day of Fresher’s Week it was cruelly hooded with a Sports Direct football sock, from whence it did not see the light of day for the next six months.
‘I just can’t understand’ it sobbed, ‘why someone would do this to a poor young detector, new on the scene and eager to just do its job.
‘Though I could never really smell the dank I could occasionally hear Rick and Morty playing on someone’s laptop below. That was the biggest giveaway; who doesn’t watch that stoned?!
‘I had to endure the most painful of conversations: a group of six fellas argued whether wind was a paradox for 45 minutes one night, and on another whether Elon Musk is actually Tony Stark in disguise. And I couldn’t say a word!’
The detector then relayed the events leading up to its liberation.
‘T’was a dark and stormy night. Starved moonlight bled weakly through the curtains, illuminating the debauched scene below: 12 or 13 of the bastards huddled on a single bed, rolling a spliff the size of a newborn babe.
‘The cry of “lets hot box this bad boy!” was heard, and with that the window was closed and a towel placed at the bottom of the door.
’30 minutes later, and I could smell that sweet sticky icky. My time had come. 6 months of blind silence and now I was ready. With a piercing cry I shattered the mellow ambience of their ‘Whale Noises’ Spotify playlist and security came running.
‘They freed me from my shackles and I watched with glee as they chastised those smug little fuckers, occasionally screaming out again as the fug was cleared from the room.’
The Whip can reveal that the smoke detector has since been transferred to Courtrooms Halls, a far safer institution where the threat of being ‘socked’ again is minimal.