Strikes now officially more boring than Brexit, everyone confirms

‘I never thought I’d say this, but I want my lectures back.’

As the fourth week of strikes commences with no resolution in sight, a poll of UoM students confirmed just how bored of UCU strikes they are.

The survey shows that a majority of UoM students believe the strikes to be more tedious than Brexit, ending the debate over which set of negotiations are proving to be the most dull.

Even the most fervent supporters of strike action are now becoming frustrated about missing lectures they never attended anyway, echoing that feeling when someone asks to borrow something of yours that you aren’t using but then you weirdly kinda want to use it again, like headphones.

The Whip spoke to Felix, a Chemistry third year, about how tedious he found the strikes:

“I never really thought I’d care about my lectures being cancelled. As you may know, Chemistry is insanely dull and I thought I’d found a great excuse to get out on the town and live a little,’ he began.

“But you know what? As this blasted industrial action supposedly enters its concluding week, I just want something to do again. It’s a bit like Brexit: a long, drawn-out, brain freeze of vapid sophistry and procedural wrangling.

“I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t deal with this anymore. I want my lectures back.

“Further to that, it wouldn’t surprise me at all to see some of these strikers come back to work purely ‘cos they are so fucking bored too. Can you imagine just standing on Oxford Road for hours with tin pots and other sandal-wearing frumps? No fucking thanks.”


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