Recently unemployed Mugabe spotted flyering in ASS for SU Student Living Officer

Rumours of ballot tampering already abound.

Robert Gabriel Mugabe, ex-President of Zimbabwe, has been spotted canvasing throughout Woodland Road this morning for his latest prospective public office, SU Student Living Officer.

The surprise candidate was later seen sitting in a garden chair in front of a Wilko bed sheet that read ‘Vote for Mugabe if You Want to Starve-y!’, handing out flyers of his campaign promises.

When questioned on his motives for running, Robert (re-branded as ‘Bob’ to appear more relatable) had the following to say:

‘I’ve been out of work ever since I was forced from office by a military coup back in Zim, and to be honest I miss the power. I was looking round the UK for positions of incredible political and social clout, and when I was told about the importance of the UoB SU Student Living Officer I couldn’t turn it down.

‘Apparently, the position is incredibly well respected amongst the student population, with the winner last year getting nearly 18 votes! Of course, I can’t take too much of a risk so will have to tamper a little with the ballot – perhaps an extra 12,000 votes will push me over the line [winks].’

While Bob may he hopeful of his chances, political commentators have pointed to his lack of campaign music video as an indicator of why he may not appeal to the student masses. However, others have stated that his total lack of effort may indeed resonate with such a young audience, for whom any sincere acts of enterprise is regarded as social suicide.

Ed Strang

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