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Alpine mountain ‘can’t wait’ to have flood of intoxicated narcissists slide around all over its face

Bring on next week!

An Alpine mountain in the ski resort Alpe d’Huez has approached The Whip to express its excitement at the prospect of 2000 UoB students slithering around atop its snowy white face next week.

The peak, who has apparently been having a ‘great season’ up until now, couldn’t help but sound sarcastic at the prospect.

‘Oh yeah, great. This week keeps getting better and better. First I have to delete my Facebook account, and now all I have to look forward to is a load of inebriated twats running amok and saying things like ‘leng’ and ‘apres’.

‘I also can’t wait for the part where I get literally impaled by thousands of planks of wood, as they stick their skis in my flesh like some torturous acupuncture.’

Despite its alleged reservations, it seems the mountain does have a soft spot for UBSC.

‘To be fair, I will miss these guys. At the end of the day, I do love having them rub a load of Fila and Lacoste jumpers all over my face. The delicate swoosh of white pow as one of them elegantly ploughs through the snow is kind of endearing.

It’s almost like bae leaning over your shoulder and whispering gently into your ear, “how expensive are your goggles?”‘

Alexander Callaghan

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